What is the Secret of strong relationship?

Recently I was thinking a lot about relationships. Not mine, though, in general. Probably because all this new environment and the fact, that myself getting marry very soon makes think more.

 I am not going to examine all this very big and popular “arranged marriage” deal in India. Just because I still don`t know the answer for this, and even my opinion regarding this changed so many times so drastically. Probably I need to annoy even more Indians J than I did till now with all my arranged marriage perception and how they see this all. As many people I asked, every single one had its own arguments, pros and cons, but in general just very few partly agreed that this “blind gambling” for getting marry completely stranger can make person really unhappy, and still, they didn`t reject possibility to marry that way. Actually, many of them probably are going to marry that way. So where is the secret? Why they still up for that?

While I was stating all my pros arguments about western style relationships and right to choose your own path in it for so many times to all those Indian people, that I completely forgot to glance deeper and admit, that “choosing freedom” also can have not less drawbacks. Purposely or not, I was neglecting that part, while trying to proof my truth.
It`s probably always like that - some real life event, fact which happens for people you know- for lovely couple from neighborhood, friends, that cute girl from your gym reception etc ,makes you to stop, and think – does this freedom to choose really guarantees you that you will be more happy than the one, which gave up his future for others decision? What is the main index for happy/successful relationship? Is it strong affection which grows in to LOVE? Or is it common “project” which two adults “working” for? (here I keep in minds Indian arranged marriages, when two practically not knowing each other people meet to create a family)…

When I think more, there is sense in arranged marriages – both of participants usually know their duties in the family, have their own hobbies, interests… AND- not really have very strong feelings for opposite part (again, just saying-majority J, there are always exceptions), which means no fights for late coming home, no arguing about where you been and what you did, because there is no love, and where is no love, there is no jealousy. No jealousy-no fights. Because everybody has their OWN interest and family interest, this is two separate parts. And Indians perfectly knows it, because they grow up with family model like this. Several generations been grown up according it, and as long everybody is following it, everybody is happy in the house.

Other thing about love relationships, that you idealizing your partner, and when the first impression and sweetness goes away, and opposite part starts to see all partners absences and start fight with it by complains, trials reform opposite personality according itself, and if doesn`t succeed – disappointment, and not so rare-break up comes. Meanwhile, while going for arranged marriages people are mentally ready to deal with other person imperfections, as well as here plays the same “mind your own interest” factor. They are not in love with person, so they not idealizing him, and have no goal to change it.

Now, honestly answer for you self, how many couples do you know, which started dating by their own willing and eventually disappointed by the partner very much, are still together?..Don`t really know such ones?.. Because those couples have a choice, so if they cannot change the situation the way they want, eventually they change the partner. They say “our love is over”. So, if you never loved, love cannot disappear, and the strongest index, which I got from all Indians I talked about arranged marriages with, now shows up very clearly – Indians are the nation with the lowest divorce index in the World.

So, does it really means, that calculated and no emotional affection having marriages are tented to be much resistant? And if yes, why we still taking a risk, and playing a game “feelings included”?

...Looks LOOKS LoOkS...

today I want to talk about life in India...To be more specific-how local people reacting to foreigners, or at least to me :))) There will be not much new in this article for some of you, since I already told all these stories in my letters for you, on skype or phone :)..But anyway, every day is an adventure here, so might be interesting for everybody :)))

Before coming here I was warn to be ready to been watched, and I was thinking about all this as a good fun-lets admit, may girls like a bit of attention, so I can handle, I thought :)...I think I will even like it, who doesn`t want to fell as a celebrity sometimes :)))?..Just smile a bit, say "hello" for some people...Oh, and where was my brain, when I was thinking about all this as a fun?!!!...Now I can admit, that  the most tiring, frustrating an disruptive thing is not smelly streets, not beggars, attacking you in every traffic light stop, not even obtrusive street sellers usually inviting you by making sound as as inviting a cat(!?), because don`t even know how to thrill the customer.. No!..This is all I can handle, the only thing I think I will never will get use to is people looks...Or should I say staring?..If you think that I over expose all this think, and what`s so hard to deal with, just try to imagine that you turn into small street, and all the people in it just frozen!...Doesn`t matter what they were doing, they stop to watch me passing by..Or even better, they coming out from those small shops, even if there are some customers inside, but oh well, customers are coming to look as well...Of it`s bigger street or highway, it`s even more hilarious - road sellers are staring, bike riders staring( saw few times when they stared to me to long they almost crashes or even crashes to another bikes,  rickshaws or people!) , passengers from rickshaws are almost falling out just to have a better glance to me!..And so on and so far...So when even I would go out, what ever I would do, I will always be watched...It starts to be very tiring after a while, because it`s very different looks, not just surprised and positive, sometimes suspicious and even with a sparkle of anger...And why do they think I always have to smile for them and politely talk if they want to know my name, where I am from and so on...Why I have to waste my time for people I  don`t know and probably will never meet again in my life?..Or how I have to react, when I perfectly fine see (even though don`t really understand what they are talking), that people watching and making backbites about me in shopping centre?..I thought it will all go away after a while, people will get use to see me, and stop watching..But the think is that this city is sooooo big, that there are always new crowds of people around me...
Can sound hilarious, but now I really understand better than ever how should all those real big celebrities feel like-not even one unwatched and commented moment!..No personal space to think while walking in the street, not a single moment to look around-just want to run away as fast as you can!..

I was trying to ignore this-but it looks that it`s harder to do than I thought, then tried to lock myself at home-was even worse-felt so wasted all my time...And now, being here for exactly 2 months I start realizing one thing-people are not going to change, and I will always be piece of exotic for them...It`s me who need to work on changing my attitude I guess...If I finally want to relax and enjoy environment...
...And you know what? I think I am ready to do that :)...

Have a good day everybody :)))..and smile some more!!!xxxx

about responsibilities

Last few days I am thinking about meaning of life quite a lot...Don`t tell me, I know :), that the more you think, the    
more difficult life start to look. But still could n`t help my self, the more you try to neglect it, looks like even more and more coming to your head.
I was thinking how much life changed in last one and a half year. Basically my life started change quite drastically once I decide expatriate from Lithuania. Remember as today -  4th of July 2010 I moved to Scotland, Kelly song "4th of July" was that summer hit. Loved that song sooooo much, because it was the attitude I lived those days...Careless summer days and nights hanging out with friends, lots of parties, shopping, again parties and even more shopping :))))...I was 21 at that time, now I am 23, soon will be 24, but  it`s not about that right now..It can look that from those parties/dinners, nights out, shopping etc funny times you cannot grow up and lean anything..But it`s so not true..When I ma thinking how much I changed and even people around, how much more mature we all became it`s actually so surprising..even shocking I could say :)..When you just life your everyday life, doing all those choices and don`t really have a moment just to stop and think-oh wow, I used never do this before..when exactly I stared to like it?..Or-wow, cannot remember when I been/got/did that-because probably don`t find it  so much fun, attractive or necessary  any more...
I didn`t really realize when it all started, but once the train start to move, you (probably) not able to stop it, right :)?..Of course, I miss those careless joyful days, but everything in this life comes in packages, you cannot have one, without another,  don`t like all, what`s in that package :)...But as I like to say you cannot pick all the raisins from the cake and leave it...It won`t be so delicious even, because you have to fell the to fell the full taste to appreciate the bite of sweetness you find in it :)...Well, that`s just my opinion :)))...Would I like those funny days come back :)?..Sometimes :)...You can get it for sometimes, but would I like that lifestyle come back to my life-I think not any more :))))...Fun and careless same means a bit disorganised, future unplanned and insecure...
Don`t get me wrong, I don`t say that life with responsibilities is just about feeling boring,work, no social life and headache all the time..NO!..It just all those things comes as a priority, and fun times-after these ones are handled...
Anyway what I wanted to say is that even responsible life can be fun, depends how you want it to be..It all comes naturally I think...Are we not those, who start to take all those responsibilities on our shoulders, anyway :)?...
And different people understands responsibilities different, are they not?..For one to look after pet is already big responsibility, and for another- to move out from parents, start independent financial life is not enough to fell responsible enough...
How many people, so many different goals, opinions and lifestyles :)..And each of us chooses by our self -what we want and when we want :)))

Have a good day, darlings :)xxx